W+H+Y = WHY???

WHY??? Why do I still think about him? Its already 5months..& yet….i still cant let it go…sigh…wat a torture…jz tis night all those memories jz pop out of my head when I was tryin to concentrate on my Bio…great moment to choose…sigh….I really cant think of any reasons y I still cant let it go…he has let me down loads of times & he loves another gal now….but me….i’ve nothing from him & yet I sacrificed allot for him..in fact kinda too much….sigh…HELP!!!! Help me to get rid of these memories so tat I wont suffer anymore…sigh….I'm really am mad at my ownself...promised myself not to involve in any love lifes...& yet....haiz....I really cant think of any reasons WHY i still can think of him...


Tis are the mEMoRiES oF tHE pASt~~~

1 day during the hols in 2002...
Went to my best fren, Ern's house with another fren, Fish...at her house three of us used Ern's com to on9...came to know this guy, D who's been Ern's fren not long ago onli...so me & Fish planned to play a joke on him...we made up a story saying i'm a gal from Kalimantan, with a name Sarikwani (we din think too long to think up tat name...haha=P) & tricked him saying i'm Ern's pen pal who's jz came to M'sia for the hols & staying at Ern's house for the time being...tat guy really believed our joke...tot it can last long enough...too bad it onli lasted tat one day...cuz some fren of mine told him that we're playing a joke on him...great fren...but tat was how special way we start to get to know each other...

Throughout F3 & F4...
Seldom contacted each other...but did chat with each other in MSN & thru SMS since i've got my 1st handphone after PMR from my parents...we're jz normal frens at that time...sometimes telling each others probs we had in our clubs..me in Chinese Orchestra & he's in Leo Club...

on 9/9/2004...
Few days before that...suddenly hav the urge to ask him wat did he treat me as throughout the period we've known each other...he told me he treated me more than a normal fren...Then on tis day...he finally confessed his feelings...& "BOOM!"....we're couples...

on 26/11/2004...
Went out with him & Ern after our phys tuition...can considered as our 1st date since my mum's a strict mum..hehe...Tis day i had my 1st game of snooker after getting a short lesson from Ern & big D...after having a game which i din get any balls into the hole=P...Ern purposely dumped me with him & went home...i din even noe b4 tat...so big D & me went for a movie.."The Forgotten"...after the movie we went off to KBox to join his gang of frens who's alreadi there...then for that almost 1hr i sat in the room with 4 guys...wow...scared man...but i trusted his frens...hehe...

on 9/12/2004...
Today's my 16th bday...can considered as my happiest during my 16yrs cuz i'm a Dec baby so seldom i can celebrate it with my frens...but this day big D celebrated with me...1st we went to hav a game of snooker again where this time i managed to get a ball into the hole..hehe..then after that we got onto a bus ride to Jusco jz for a movie...haha...but tat's the 1st time i've ever been on a public bus cuz my parents loved me too much ;) We had spaghetti b4 the movie...then after the movie..got into a taxi & went to the Secret Recipe beside Syuen Hotel for my bday cake...hehe=P Had an oreo flavour & a marble cheese cake...then tat's the end of my bday celebration...how sad=( but really had a great time with him =D

To be continued...

pARtinG iS tHe HaRD3st tHIng tO Do iN Lif3~~

Today...is the day i finally made the biggest decision....& with this decision i lost the opportunity to get into a relationship again...sigh...but i noe...i've made the right decision after all....i really cant get myself to accept him...his confession came as a BIG shock...we've known each other in Chinese Orchestra practices for almost 3yrs...but i never hav known that he's been liking me for 2yrs...gosh...when he confessed his feelings to me...i was like..."huh??"....& now after so many months of struggles in my heart...i finally noe the right answer to this relationship...& that is i've to concentrate more on my studies...no more love life for me for the next few yrs...& tat's a promise to myself...if i need to be a doctor..i jz needa sacrifice something & that's love life....anyway...there's no perfect relationship at this times...so wat for looking for one when i noe there's none? By the way...i jz hate parting with anyone...frens,family etc....sigh...parting's the saddest & the hardest thing happening between relationships...& i jz cant bear to have any partings anymore...so guess we jz remain frens..better to put it that way....So..YewMing...guess we jz be normal frens...i would not wanna break the promise i've made to myself...& oso sorry to hav let u down since u've done so much for me...anyway...i really appreciate them allot...thanks allot!!


To Ernie alias Sze-En.....we've been best frens ever since Std.1 until now we're in F5...it has been 11yrs of frenship alreadi...& i never hav regretted knowing u...Although during our years we may hav quarrelled..but i'm glad tat we made thru it until our frenship still holds on until today....Sigh..too bad we still hav our own future path to go on...but i'm sure to miss u lots...especially if we're in a different country...but never ever forget me...Joanne Ho alias Piggy...hehe=P....cuz so many yrs of frenship is real hard to gain...& i really appreciate u for alwiz beside me no matter in watever situations...thanks oso for lending me ur shoulder to cry on, ur ears to listen me out...really missed the times when we chat on the phone for hours...ERNIE..ur really my BEST FREN!!! Love ya lots!! ; ]


To XinYu...altho u may not hav the chance to read this...but i hope to convey whatever i wanna say to u thru tis blog....We've been in the same class for yrs...& oso sitting beside each other for 4yrs alreadi...U may not hav ernie's patience in listening me out...but i really appreciate u for supporting me in every decisions i made...thanks allot buddy...u oso did mean allot to me...Really missed the times when we laughed together over other ppl's matters...haha=P Sometimes we may hav fights or arguments...but its a miracle that most of the time we tend to get on the same idea...hehe=P Sorry if i've offended u sometimes...but i'll never forget u...may our frenship lasts...We may be classmates again for the next 2yrs in F6...but after that we need to get on to our futures alreadi...but muz alwiz remember me...k? I'll never forget u...my dear fren...


To Darren...although we're fated not to be couples...but i never regretted knowing u as a fren...really cant forget how we met....keke=P "Hi...I'm from Kalimantan.My name's Sarikwani."...remember this? Hehe...Anyway...no matter wat happened in the past...jz wipe it off...yet i'll alwiz keep those sweet+sour memories in my heart...Never had the chance to say thanks to u oso for making that 9months of mine so colourful (although it had affected my studies=P)....i'm truly sorry oso if i've misunderstand u over some matters or even scolded u for nothing...but i'll never forget u my dear fren...i'll miss u oso when we go on different pathways....but dun u ever dare to forget this "cute" fren of urs...hehe=P plus never forget to send me an invitation to ur wedding in future wor...hehe=P May our frenship will be long-lasting...mISs yA & Lov3 yA ; ]


To my CO members & juniors...although we may have misunderstandings between each other...but i really appreciate the moment when we made our concert a success...& oso the memories...i'll never forget u guys & sure to go back to help out whenever i can...jz remember that i've been an AMCCO member..& i'll alwiz be...jz practise hard & dun let us seniors down...Miss ya & Love ya lots guys!!!

AMC F5 Graduation Song

告訴我

真心是 我想达给你的讯息

你说不想回复 只要永远感受这份心意

过去的日子里 我们储存了不少记忆

若把它好好整理 会是感人的一部电影

我知道我不懂事 走过的路途由你牵引

你知道你不坚强 软弱的夜里还有我陪你分担忧愁

*告诉我 请你现在就告诉我

说你一路一路都很珍惜我

告诉你 今天我就要说出一切 你让我中学生涯色彩更眩丽

知心是你想溶化给我的温暖

我说我想和你 一起走到最后一幕

未来的日子里 我们储存的不会消逝

若停留在这瞬间 我们会拥有不灭默契

我不再懵懂无知 剩下的路途我会坚持

你不像昔日软弱 独自的夜里你不会再向忧郁低头

*Repeat

别哭泣 过了今天

我们依然会有许多的交集

我们不会分开

只要有你在我心中

我知道你在耳边轻轻唤我别放弃

sOoo FISH~~chased by cat =S

YAY!!!! 6 papers gone di....phew...itz real torture these 4days...missed my daily afternoon nap jz to return school for more papers....aiks....anyway....now itz kinda free cuz the next paper'll be on next Tues...Moral...& Wed addmaths...hmm..hopefully by Wed my mind'll be functioning well enough so that i wont fumble thru my addmaths...really happy to get my 1st A though for addmaths during trial...hehehe=P

Guess wat...today really so "fish" le...aiks...got chased by a cat wor...walau...tat was like....embarassing man! But itz really not my fault le...thanks to my mum's fabulous cooking though keke=P Today during my lunch break before having Phys 3rd paper..my mum took lunch for me....& she made "yim guk gai"...man..tat was heaven to me...yet it causes trouble to me too =S seems tat cat got attracted to the smell haha...then chased all around the canteen...lucky there's not much people around else i'll be making a total fool of myself...hehe=P

Sigh....2day's Thurs alreadi...seems that i've promised "him" tat i'll give him an answer by tonight..but guess i've to break tat promise since i cant bring myself to think bout tat problem...YET....not in this SPM war thing....so...guess "he" really hav to have more patience waiting....else jz quit...i dun mind really...considering i'm not those kind of person who relys on love life to continue their living...after my last experience...i've learnt that guys really cant be trusted....JERKS are the best word to describe them...although i noe there maybe good guys out there...but really cant wipe off my bad impression towards them le...hehe=P too bad for the good guys tho...keke...

Okla....needa go off for now...parent's coming back soon...tat's all for now then...Adios!!!


GOD BLESS ME~~~

nO MoR3 SEJARAH!!! YAY!!!

Phew...i'm so happy that the Sejarah exam days are over =D too bad in F6(tat is if i'm studying F6...but most probably will) we still hav P.A(Pengajian Am) which is something more or less like Sejarah =S Then tat time i'll sure be screaming all over again....but for now...i dun hav to face Sejarah alreadi for months...wakekekeke =P & tonight i can start by burning my 2years of Sejarah textbook alreadi....haha(jz kiddin la..better to sell it to the old newspaper man...at least can get money=P)

Anyway...jz got back from skul...free from torture of hours..finally....had the opportunity to on9 awhile b4 continuing back to the BORING books again since tomoro having maths exam..note that...not addmaths...haha..so can relax abit la...onli having addmaths next Wed...

Oh Man..i'm quite happy with my Sejarah....at least i noe i wont fail tis time...hopefully not a miserable C again...getting an A is better =D Happy with my BM papers yesterday too...thanks to my tuition teacher that she had taught us well especially in the Sastera part..i'll surely appreciate her whole stack of notes...& oso the karangan topic on pembentukan sahsiah...wow...tat was like heaven to me when i saw that question...if not because she forced us all to go fpr extra class, we wouldn't hav discussed on tat question in groups...& if not for her, i surely wouldn'y hav noe the points & for sure cant do it....i'm happy to say that i'm lucky to hav tuitioned there for 9yrs...9yrs man...tat's long....hehe...hopefully i can get an A for my BM too la...

Anyway....tat's all for now...need to get back to my Maths revision alreadi....else i wouldn't hav enough time for my Physics on Thurs....Adios then!!


GOD BLESS~~

I HATE SEJARAH!!! Help....

Aiks....at 1st didn't quite wanna write anything cuz wanna concentrate more on my studies...but....sigh...guess my frustration got over me...

ARGH!!! I HATE SEJARAH!!! I repeat...i really(100x) hate sejarah!!! Hope the day i dread comes fast & leaves fast...which is i still have 2 more days to go...sigh...wat a torture...i dun care..after the sejarah 2nd paper...i'm gonna dump everything related to it....wanna burn but obviously cant hehe=P Sigh..studying sejarah really makes me sick...wanna vomit...aiks...2 whole books of F4 & F5 stuffs plus a whole stack of essay questions awaiting me....great..i'm gonna faint tomoro...lucky i've covered 7 babs of F4...good work...tomoro night...erm..i mean TOnight i've to brood over my tuition teacher's karangan notes...else i'm goin to be dead in Mon's 1st BM paper...hope its not tough....

GOD BLESS~~

~rELievED~

Hey..after 2days of streamyx breakdown...i finally have the chance to blog...really frustrated at it tho...but anyway..jz have to accept the way it is la...sigh...
Hm...the chinese paper...its also the 1st paper we all f5's had for our SPM is not tat tough....for me la i guess....hehe=P the most happiest thing is that i got that question asking bout "han yu pin yin" correct after all =D I remember that during the exam..i spend allot of time figuring whether i should choose A or C...tough decision...tat time really hope that i had a chinese dictionary beside me...but finally i put my bet on A...which i keep thinking on my way home whether i've made the right choice..when i reached home...quickly i dashed to look thru the dictionary...& when i found out i got it correct...wow...i was like in heaven..keke....& my sis jz looked at me in a dazzed look when i suddenly jumped & yelled "YEAH!!"...haha=P
Sigh..still lost at what decision i should give to "him"....confused....sigh...even tho he told me he'll wait no matter how long...but i cant bear to keep this issue dangling in midair anymore...its not fair for him & even me....spoils my studying mood....even tho my best fren told me i should wait till after exam...but cant make myself to do that...so probably giving my answer soon i guess...
Sigh....actually wat's LOVE? I really dont quite understand wat's this feeling is...& how a person noe whether he or she is in love or wat....blur...hope anyone can jz help me with this....sigh....really having a blank mind....
Well....need to leave this blog alreadi...sleepy...need to have a fresh mind tomoro to start my history for the 3rd time if i'm not wrong...hopefully i'll be able to memorize everything..cant bear to get another C6 for my history....Its all for now then...i'll blog after next week's 4days continuous torturing=S Adios...

LiFe's cOmpLICat3D~~DrIveS m3 tO CRAZY!!!

Okie..this is the 2nd time i'm blogging..waited for bout half an hour for my brother to sleep 1st b4 i've da chance to blog anything...& in tat half an hour i've finished doin SBP's Sejarah paper...not bad..after so much effort i've put on it..
As wat i've mentioned in my blog title..things are really getting complicated now in my life...studies, frens, & even love life..sigh..wat can i say much bout it...i still dun hav the guts to accept the guy...after wat has happened in the past..time just cant wipe out memories tat one had for 9months..sigh...nor it can wipe out feelings...
My best fren's right...wat's love? Whatever tat happened in the past really make me think for now...i'm really lost...studies stressing me up till now i'm facing problems of imsomnia =S plus i tend to jz fire up at someone as i'll keep having bad moods when i'm stressed up...sigh..itz a bad thing as i'll tend to lose frens with the way i'm getting on...but thanks to Ern & "him" for keeping me accompany & guiding me thru my life's path during this pre-exam period...else what would hav happened to me....
Lastly...love ya guys out there who cared allot for me=)