A plain normal NOBODY

Sigh...yea...I didn't say much about it to anyone....not even my own best fren...but i'm jz plain unhappy...tat's all..really dunno wat's the reason...jz have the kinda feeling that my circle of frens is getting smaller & smaller ever...is it my own hallucination?? Or maybe it has became the truth?? Is it caused by my own attitude?? Or had i overdone everything?? Really have lost my mind on that la...yet i'm perfectly sure my attitude of dealing with frens have never changed...i'm still the same Joanne as ever...yet i jz cant get to mix around with more frens jz like wat i've always succeed in doin it for the past few years...& I always feel neglected...& i'm always left out in whatever activities or discussions...those ppl I mixed with hav their own frens anyway...& I am a real nobody...& I'm sure I'm not that kind of person like those gals...I need time...yet no one give me time to mix around...great feeling tat is huh...?? No one cared for me & wat I get in return is NOTHING..!!! Sigh...I'm under stress with LOTS of unhappiness...I really dunno wat to do anymore...

~I'M A NOBODY~

UNHAPPY Choir Farewell

Sigh....wat i say only is that this farewell seemed to be the most unhappy one i ever had in my life...i jz feel that i'm a left-outer & a nobody in choir...during the whole night i never ate the buffet (its my dinner actually), played any games or get crazy together with them....i jz busied myself by holding cameras & not to mention taking a few pics with some of them la....but that's all i did....yet nobody cared whether i did anything with them....pn tong is exceptional la....others?? As if they'll care....Even the organizing committee....they NEVER tell me whatever is going to happen....the whole programme & bla bla bla....& i'm as blur as ever even though i'm one of the O.C....it was embarassing when others non-O.C asked me questions about the whole programme....& obviously i am sad too....i feel neglected, left out, not being cared....great feeling is tat....plus those girls obviously are not my type....they wore....my gosh...!! EXTREME formal for a farewell party ONLY...& they criticised me for being too casual wear....GREAT!!! I'm wearing a blouse & a skirt....wat MORE do they expect?? Excuse me la dears...its only a FAREWELL PARTY....not that its a wedding or huge functions....Expect me to wear something that i show everything from top to toe?? IDIOTS...!!! Even asked me to change....the heck i care..!!! They're jz plain idiots....Ok...i did feel guilty as i'm Hoe's dance partner to see him wearing SOooo formal (well....at least MORE formal than mine)...& i sure sense the unhapiness in him as he compared normal + plain me with other beautiful + elegant gals...but tat's wat i can do since i never get to go home with my PRS test till 4pm somethin...so dun get angry with me after i've apologised allot of times...u wanna get mad i oso dun care already..!! I jz dont feel happy in any of the clubs i joined....counselling pun macam tu...archery too...but at least a BIT better....VAD 7 going to be one of those too....Man..!!! I really dunno how i can stand such F6 life for the next 1 yr & 3 months...sigh.......

Shocked...yet happy =)

Was a bit shocked when yesterday Ben came to look for me when i was walking back to class with my frens after recess...thought i'll be having good news....but instead he asked me to be the pianist accompanying the choir on Prize Giving Day on 8th of July...was real shocked with that bit of news...yea...haha...but it'a a great chance for me to show to others who doesn't know me well of my music talent...so i agreed being a pianist....anyway...it wont be that difficult i guess...

Today i've to play the whole piece on the piano...1st time huh.....so very very nervous coz i'm actually in a role of leading the whole choir leh...until my both hands shake...so not even the practice i had last night helped at all....but since Ben praised me for giving a good job...guess i really did fine...but hopefully i'll be better on Sat & not fumble at all....

Have to go already...PA Statistic to do...plus need to compose the whole piece of song again with the alteration of key....sigh...mum's gonna nag nag nag again...~~~

Happy day =D

To start off...i'm getting more & more fond of choir now i've realised...jz like those kind of teamwork that i've been experiencing over the last 5yrs when i'm in Chinese Orchestra....& not to mention my passion over music ;p So...guess i'll jz stay on till the last minute without quiting jz because i'm not chosen into the national level...silly enough even to think of it....so...that's that for choir lor....oh ya...!! Forgot to mention something...i'll be performing on 8/7, SamTet's Hari Anugerah...my 1st performance ever since i joined choir leh =D Happy yet nervous...dunno whether i'll do a good job or not =S

Phew...!! The conflict between us finally broke off when he finally smiled at me today when we met after such a long time ever since i scolded him off coz of another person....felt a lil guilty for scolding an innocent person =.=" But now everything's back to normal again =) No more arguments or misunderstandings...the grey clouds have finally left to leave a bright blue sky =D

Shocking predicts to hear from fish & jy...hope its not true though about their survey...we're only normal frens...truthfully from my heart...dunno about him la though...jz hoping its not true...i dread about the truth when the day comes...sigh...

hELp m3...!!!!

媽啊！！Today is such unlucky day for me =S How can anyone be SOoooo noisy....like a GIGANTIC "generator"....bla bla bla for the whole day....2 people tim err....MAN!!! Even me also not their competition la...i'm only the volume of my voice..other than that...i can be as quiet as can be...& now it results that both my ears are still ringing by the continuous booming of their voices =.=" Aiks...poor me...guess i'll be having nightmares tonight ='( Plus reminder to myself that next time guess i gotta remember to bring lotsa cotton buds to stuff my ears almost whole day already =.="

~DOUBLE NIGHTMARES~

~FOOTBALL FEVER~

Recently in football fever...haha...it may seemed unusual for a girl to be crazy over football...but i'm one of those crazy gang...mUAhAHaHaA!!! Too bad still gotta have consistency in studyin...so can only be PARTIAL crazy ;P Anyway....ENGLAND ROXXX!!!! F6 SUX!!! =P

I LOVE FIFA~~ FOOTBALL FEVER

Driving...

Walau ehh...cant believe that i actually drove all the way from Jelapang to Chemor today....wakekeke =P But acually drove illegally la...hehehe....i DID have my license..& i have the P stickers...but the thing is that the P stickers are not stuck to the Kancil i'm driving...they're on another manual car...so....a P license driver driving such long way without P stickers ;P Its kinda horrible driving on a busy road...scary too....but its syok le...!!!! =D Sigh...how i wish i can drive to school tomoro by myself already...then no need to depend on anyone to fetch me to tuitions...& oso can drive myself home...plus ANYWHERE....hehehe...

Currently in a dilemma which club or societies or sports should i join...wanted archery club....but scared will hurt my hands which i need them for playing piano...cant risk that much....sigh..!!!!!

Choir...disappointment...

Sigh...as what i've half expected...i'm really not chosen into the national level for choir competition...was frustrated + disappointed at 1st to see those who're being chosen...but to think from a different aspect i feel relieved since i'll be having more time spend on my studies...wont be busy going for choir practices all the time if i was to be chosen...so no worries there..!! =D Even i'm not chosen this time....but guess i'll still continue joining choir...not going to quit like others who gave up jz coz they're not chosen....

Another sweet guy ;P

Wakekeke...today i've found another "target" to fetch me & frens to tuitions luuu =P Okie...i felt kinda guilty la actually....coz kinda like using him as our driver...but then i've felt bored walking to tuitions almost EVERYDAY already....i'm bored getting darker & darker day by day already la...no chance for me to get back to my fair self anymore =( But he's sweet to fetch us le....although he'll grumble the whole journey la...hahaha...(its true =P) but really owe him allot la =) Sweet guys....real hard to find...

樹 或 風

我心内的掙扎
無人理解
無人明白

心裏一半想接受你
但另一半
卻為另一段我認爲發生的可能性很低的感情而猶豫
讓我無情之下拒絕了你
讓你漸漸從我身邊離去

身邊少了溫暖
與大樹般的依靠
生活好似顛倒了

我
好似一片葉子
受風與樹的動搖
躊躇與你與他之間的抉擇

告訴我
我該隨那冷漠無比的風而去
還是
挽留在永不放棄我的你這棵樹上？

幸福。。。

在這世界上
每個人都注定有自己的幸福
要懂得察覺它的存在
更需親自尋找

我早已找到了
屬於自己的那片天空
也品嘗過
那酸甜苦辣的感覺

但我
卻似乎與幸福無緣
只能與它擦身而過

兩次的挫敗
已使我再也不相信童話
因爲對我而言
童話
只會發生在相信它的人的身上

而我
卻已敗得不能自己

我的心受夠了創傷
已開始凝固了。。。
默默等待能溶化我心的人。。。


只求幸福不要再爽約了

~sPeEChLESs~

HELP~~~!!! Can anyone please jz give me a hand & pull me out of confusion??? I've made myself a mess now....sigh....Why cant i just stop thinking about him when i've made myself a promise for not getting into a relationship these few years?? BAH!!! I REALLY SUCKS!!! Even i've told everyone that knows him that i dread seeing him...yet....i dont know le....jz keep wanting to get his attention....ISH...!!!! Can anyone jz tell me what do i ought to do?? ='(

...I'M CONFUSED...

DiSsAPpoINtED...again

Sigh....yesterday & today are AMC chinese orchestra's annual concert...so my juniors will be performing...& me being their senior went back to help them plus giving fullest support to their concert...however...the erhu juniors have failed me once more....meaning that whatever i've scolded or advised had resulted into NOTHING!!! So..meaning my cells have died continuously without any reason....& the energy & time i've wasted on them had become ZEROoooo~~~
Haiz...even the suona group have improved tremendously until every ex-seniors also praised them...while erhu group?? Bah...!! "Hopeless" is the only word i can use to describe them...but "them" is only meant for those juniors from F3 until F3 below...ADUH!!! I really have lose hope on them already...tonight's the last night...& is up to them whether they wanna protect their reputation from being ruined or not...i'm not going tonight so i dont really know...but i really hope they'll do better than last night....else not....

~DISSAPOINTED + LOST HOPE~

New member of Ho family ^ - ^

Last Fri....a new member is added into my family =) A cute cocker spaniel!!! Hehe...after lots of persuasion from my dad, me & my sis to my mum who strongly disagree on adding another dog....we finally got our way ;) Anyway...back to the main topic...its a male cocker spaniel....golden colour...& TERRIBLY cute le...!!!! Too bad we haven't think of a suitable name for it...still waiting for its birthcert then we may get an idea on wat name to give it...So...now we have 3 dogs in my house lu =D

Today is such an unlucky day...sigh....Morning had a tug war with my new dog...tat dog's still shy coz still cant adapt so ended up bathing it in the cage =S Then early in the morning i had severe stomach pain right until now...then jz now my dad checked me & diagnosed that i'm having early warnings of appendix =S Sigh....so probably later i need to go have operation...haiz...what to do?? I'm such a big-eater...& this happened....BAH~~!!! What a "GREAT" way to start this 2-weeks school holidays~~~SPEECHLESS...


~GOD BLESS ME~

...hAtE sCoLDinG...

Sigh....went back to AMC after requested by my juniors last night....said they need my assistance & also wanna complain something to me...so despite the scoldings i got from my mum...i went back....I did teach my juniors who'll be playing solo in the concert next Thurs & Fri....but i ALSO scolded my younger juniors....sigh...i wouldn't have wanted to do that la....hate getting into bad temper...plus i hate hurting people's feelings with my sharp words & TOO straightforward attitude...yet...i've caused 3 juniors to cry....& i sure feel uneasy with that....sigh....everytime i go back sure i'll scold someone....& my cells are getting lesser & lesser everytime i go back....dying continuously with no mercy =S & for sure...i'm getting older & older day by day....BAH..!!! But really....hard not to scold with their lousy playings when their concert is just next Thurs & Fri...hard not to get concern for them & also the reputation of AMCCO....sigh....what am i supposed to do?? I'm sure getting hatreds from allot of people that i've scolded...but they never realise the point behind for what i've did....I never asked for them to noe the reasons behind it....but i only hope they'll appreciate the efforts i've wasted on them...haiz....speechless....!!!

Teacher's Day...

Its been almost one week i haven't touch the com....so no need to mention of even getting a chance to blog anything...its been a busy week with tuition classes & the stack of homework given by the school & tuition teachers...lucky its school holidays for the next 2 weeks so i can actually take a rest from this tiring start of form 6...(actually not QUITE a holiday with the continuous tuition classes & oso choir practices =S)

Yesterday's Teacher's Day. Ok...its boring from the start when all of us gotta sit in the hall for hours listening to VIP's presenting their speeches & bla bla bla....& finally resulted in getting leg cramps...duh~~ But after those few hours....its fun...hehe...had our class party with 2 big cakes that we have ordered (Chocolate Banana & Chocolate Opera...YUMMY!!! ;P) & not to mention torturing the lone 6 guys of my class...hehe=P But we bullied most of Vee la...but its his own fault from the 1st place...cant believe him & Ah Chaw laughing at me for joining choir...GRR!!! So....its his own fault that he got bullied by us gals....kekeke...But actually having fun also meant that we got closer with each other...especially between guys & girls....so that's that...& school reopening 2 weeks may probably mean an even noisier class =P ( hard not to le with my presence...hehe ;P)

Phew...finished my school homeworks last night....cracked my head over the maths question from tuition class but failed =S...& finally i've more time to spend on my studying...next 2 weeks wont be holidays for me...in fact its precious time for me to spend on my studies...HOW "great"...!!

HAPPY~~!!

Wow...my family approved me joining choir without any hesitation...probably because of my..ahem...brilliant reason of getting in there jz for fun ;P....so i went for the audition on Thurs....& guess what?? I SUCCEEDED!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!! Haha....finally....i can prove to others that i can actually sing...& people or even friends who doesn't know me well shouldn't have laughed at me at my attempt of trying out the audition....but anyway....the conclusion is ===> I'm now a choir member of Sam Tet Choir =D So...gonna start practising my singing soon so as not to destroy the reputation of me being my sis's sister & oso my reputation of having perfect pitch....keke....or else i'll be a laughing stock =P But even i've not joined any choir practices yet...i'm already famous enough in choir....thanks to my sis la =S So...have to gambate lu...!!!

F6 REALLY starting now...

Finally....today we're allocated into our classes that'll end maybe for this whole year....well...glad to be in L6B2 with Fishy with me too....i'm already awfully glad that i wont be with those ppl tat i dread....hahahaha =D But i'm same class with Vee though....hope u wont mind much la (this is specially dedicated to Ern) & we've selected him as our class monitor too....hehehe....funny & naive guy (shh...dun tell him this ;P)....plus whenever he walks in the class hor...its like having a gigantic earthquake =P (this is true)

I dunno la...but i predicted that it'll be a fun class to be in...although later allot of girls will be leaving for either JPA or transferring to other schools for art stream...our class will still be stuck with only 6 guys...haha.....nice time for us gals to bully them =P

Hmm...decided to try for the prefectorial board interview next Friday....sigh....even though i really dun wanna be a prefect once more...but at least i can get more credit which will be an advantage for my future when i go for universities....so...guess i'll just have to stick to it la...see if the interview goes well or not lor....Then joining ISCF too....its really time for me to seek for God already after such long time i've never been to church....pai seh le...me as a christian never been to church for almost 10yrs already -.-" Dunno....now oso wanting to go for the choir audition tomoro afternoon...if i can straightaway join the Perak team & go for national level then it'll be even a greater advantage...hehe=P But my singing...haih..dunno la...somtimes good sometimes real lousy....see if my family approve or not lor....

Okla...need to go now la...need to study.....guess i'll be very busy in few more days' time...so i'll try blogging as much as i can this few days....ciaoz!!!


~AS HAPPY AS CAN BE~

2nd day....tiring -.-"

2nd day at Sam Tet....enjoyable...!!! =D We played station games...had a fantastic time getting to know each group member even better....but getting bruises all over my arms & legs plus a big swollen lump on my back is not nice at all ='( However...its our fate to get into the same group & get to know each other in just 3days time....so i really appreciate it ;P Jz knew yesterday afternoon during maths tuition that 2 members from my group are actually my maths tuition maths....pai seh le...yesterday only know =S But the guys in my group not bad la...hehe...not their looking la of coz=P...but their attitude lor....funny & can joke around lor....had a really fun yet tiring time...!!

2day Chee Pun finally talks to me...haha...but whenever we talk...we're almost like arguing...hehe...maybe sometimes i sounded angry=P Anyway...not i noe why i cant contact him all this while...finally...his hp got lost alreadi wor...duh~~ Then so i gave him my hp num as he requested after shouting at each other for quite some time at the canteen....hehe=P

I really dont understand him lor....everytime & whenever i see him...sure he'll wave vigorously at me & loudly calling my name..as if wanting to let his frens noe that he knows me -.-" Really cant understand guys....dread seeing him everyday now....sigh....its his OWN fault...!!!


~FATE IS UNPREDICTABLE~

1st day as a Form 6-er

Today...my 1st day in a co-ed school..Sam Tet....actually it wasn't that bad as what i've imagined a few days ago....thought it'll be a horrible day to start with with so many guys plus people that i dread to see...but it's actually not that nad la as long as i just don't care about those people i dread to see....hehe=P & the astonishing thing that happened today....is that...i was chosen as my group...which is Group 17's assistant leader!!!! Great day to start now to think of it.....hehehehe ;P

Well...hopefully i'm getting high posts in any clubs or societies i'm gonna join...or if possible be the assistant monitor...coz i really really dowanna be a prefect ANYMORE la!!! Torturing job...will sure to be even more torturing now i'm in an almost all boys school....sure get even more bullying than what i got last time in AMC...so i really wanna ANTI-PREFECT~~!!!!

Sigh...dunno why....no appetite today =(


~A LAUGH A DAY =D~