Helpless~~

I feel terribly helpless nowadays...there's stress from work...which i get surrounded by students' parents almost everyday coz of their precious sons' terrible Malay results...well...i'm their Malay teacher...so they assume that its my responsible when their results drop...and by the way, I'm a new, unexperienced teacher which i'm only teaching them while their actual Malay teacher is on leave to care for her newborn baby...PLUS these two std3 classes i'm teaching are GOOD classes...its what they say the two top classes among all the std3 classes..so....their parents just cant believe it when their sons' didn't get the results that expected...but apparently...its not my fault as what came out in the exam is what i've taught them 2weeks before the exam...and i've already told them the main points to study....although i keep feeling that its not fault and I don't have to care so much about it...but it's really stressing when parents' keep coming to you all day long...haiz........

And few weeks ago on a Saturday, 26th of April...this is the day where me, my sis and my mum escaped from Hell's gate...I'm not exaggerating here....but its the truth...It happened when we're on the highway on the way to a place near Taiping where my sis wanted to get some fish samples from the mangrove area there...then while driving...suddenly the car went totally out of control...it zigzagged from left to right lane and the steering wheel cant be controlled....me sitting in the back while my mum's in the passenger seat...what i remember clearly is when my sis was trying to control the car...the cars zoomed past us while avoiding us and luckily no car collided into us...there was even a bus that we somehow narrowly escaped. At last...our car bumped into the cement divider...grazed a bit of the side of the car...and stopped parallel to the divider although its right in the middle of the road. Three of us quickly grabbed our stuffs and jumped out of the car...ran to the opposite of the road to wait for help. There's a bunch of malay motorists on the opposite of the road where they came to ask us about our situation and even helped us ran to the phone nearby to call for PLUS. After about 10mins of waiting...and called PLUS already...suddenly this superbike knocked into our car...he jz bumped a bit la anyway...and while he was trying to regain his balance...there's one dark-coloured car knocked straight into him...man....the next scene is gross...this motorcyclist flew high up into the air and fell flat on his face...then a 2nd car came from behind and crashed into the superbike (without the rider as he was already on the road)...the superbike glided for a few hundred metres where it finally stopped beside the road and burned instantly...The rider unfortunately died instantly with his back of the skull badly crushed and his face badly smashed...it was SUCH a nightmare...for the next few hours we spent our time at the Taiping police station where my sis gave her police report and did some tests for urine and blood...while me and my mum spend the time relating whatever happened again and again to the police...THE THING IS...NO ONE SAW THAT STUPID DARK-COLOURED CAR!!!!!!! That car jz did the hit-and-run thing and probably during the confusion...no one saw it except me and my sis...my mum didn't dare to see so she didn't see the whole accident at all...so...the inspector's kind of suspicious about what we see until i spotted the blue paint on our car where the car hit us...and finally there's some clue to what they should be looking for...ahh...i missed out one point...that motorcyclist appeared to be from the royal family...haiz...big deal....now praying that we don't have to attend court...it'll be so much of a trouble...Well..although we do feel guilty as it was really part of our fault that the motorcyclist died...but...looking at another point...if its not him...then it'll be the 3 of us...God really guided us that day...and thank God for his blessings for us...else we wouldn't be alive to see those people we treasured...

Another thing which i nvr told anyone...not even Sze-En in Aussie...i really feel helpless in my family recently...for a few months already actually...everyday there seemed to be a time bomb where it'll explode suddenly without any warning...and when it explodes...it'll be World War 3...my sis's studying in KL while my bro's in Penang working...i'm the only one at home...sometimes i really feel like escaping to KL to stay with my sis temporarily...or even quit studying....coz i fear that whatever i fear most will happen when i'm not around with my parents...i rather stay at home...but....haiz....i really dont know what i should do...I'm just so so scared every single day...and i don't know who should i say all these to...except to put them down in this blog...dear Ernie...ur too far from me although you really would sure to be the 1st one i'm going to share with....